Sanity Notes #037: On becoming the predator

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Several years ago, when I was still a founder and CEO, I was on the table with my physical therapist, Roy. Noticing what was happening in my body, he began asking about my experience of stress in my life.

How in control did I feel?

How did I experience my most stressful moments in my work?

“Why?” I asked.

He shared:

Predators and prey have totally different nervous systems. A chase affects them in completely different ways.

He went on to explain that for prey, being pursued is dangerous and expensive. Their bodies are built for short bursts, and the longer it goes, the more harm it causes. Predators are different. Their bodies are designed for pursuit. The chase doesn’t overwhelm them. It sharpens them. It focuses their energy.

As he spoke, something clicked.

I realized I was wired like prey trying to do a predator’s job.

As I left his office and pondered the conversation in the days that followed, I thought more about how my wiring came to be.

I grew up in a home marked by addiction and moments where safety wasn’t guaranteed. Like most who grow up with addiction, I learned as a young child to scan the room for danger upon entering. Environments like that wire you to brace. To stay ready. And that wiring doesn’t disappear when you enter adulthood or step into a CEO role.

I had continued to operate from that prey energy without knowing it. The vigilance. The quickness. The sense that something bad was always about to happen.

That session with Roy marked, for me, the beginning of learning to rewire my brain and my stance in my life and work. It is a practice; there is no arriving here, but I now know a lot more about how to put myself in the predator stance. And I have, I believe, substantially rewired my neural pathways along the way. My default stance has shifted.

As a coach, I love helping clients do the same.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting with a CEO client navigating a high-stakes M&A conversation. She sat across from me, tight, breath shallow, already imagining everything that could go wrong. The prey energy was palpable.

We slowed everything down. I asked her:

Do you feel more like the prey or the predator here?

She smiled. “The prey,” she said.

I asked:

What would shift if you invited yourself to be the hunter here and not the hunted?

I watched her posture change. Her voice steadied. Her smile widened. And the conversation shifted. She stopped trying to escape the hard parts of the negotiation and began preparing to lead them. Predators don’t dart around. They choose. They move with intention. They hunt.

I could feel her whole system settle.

I see this prey pattern frequently in founders I meet. You can be brave and still be wired for threat. You can be smart and still feel hunted. There is nothing wrong with you. It’s biology. And it can change with practice.

A few simple ways to begin shifting the wiring:

• Lengthen your breath. Prey breathing is short and fast. Predator breathing is slow and grounded.

• Lower your gaze. Prey scan for danger. Predators level their eyes. It signals presence.

• Slow your pace. Predators don’t rush. Let pauses and timing work for you.

• Widen your awareness. Prey focus on escape. Predators take in the whole field.

• Remember your strength. You’ve survived harder things than this. You aren’t actually being hunted.

• If helpful, you might journal on this prompt: What would I do differently if I were in my predator energy here instead of my prey energy?

Your nervous system may have learned to run, but that is not the whole story. You can learn to move from choice, not fear.

This isn’t about being forceful. It’s about remembering who you actually are. Reclaiming your birthright as a hunter.

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If you find yourself in a season where everything feels like a chase, you’re not alone. And if support would feel grounding, reach out. I would love to walk with you. We can hunt together. 🦁

Sending a big hug from Los Angeles.

–Matt

Looking for some support? If now is the time to consider coaching, reach out here.