Sanity Notes #036: The risks of owning my enoughness

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I spent a plane ride back from Europe recently binging the Netflix show Sprint. As a coach, a lot stood out to me. One thing that particularly struck me was the determination of certain athletes to hold themselves with unconditional positive regard and belief.

I’ve always found this difficult. I think part of the reason is that I carry patterns from childhood—patterns that have led me to believe, at times, that I’m not enough.

As I learn to own my power and embrace my enoughness, I notice it comes with a sense of risk. Holding onto the belief that I am not enough provides a subtle permission to fail, which can be comforting. For someone who also wrestles with perfectionism and the need to perform to be loved, believing in my inherent flaws creates an unconscious escape from responsibility.

If I am genuinely flawed, I do not have to take full accountability for my actions or outcomes. This can be a deeply ingrained comfort.

But as an adult, I am learning to step into my power and own my enoughness. That means taking responsibility—for the fullness of my life, for my relationships, and for my actions. My relationship with my children? My responsibility. My relationship with my wife? My responsibility. My relationship with my own happiness? Again, my responsibility.

My long-time CEO coach, Jerry, used to ask me a powerful question: How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I despise?

When I fail to take full responsibility for these elements of my life, I am complicit in my life falling short of what I truly long for. Being an adult means fully owning my experiences, actions, and relationships. It requires letting go of patterns that give me a pass and allow me off the hook. It also means giving up my victimhood and the idea that my happiness is on hold until some other person or situation shows up the way I desire.

If you’re on a similar journey of stepping into adulthood, you can start by asking yourself:

Where am I telling myself that someone else’s actions or behavior are standing in the way of my happiness or success?

How am I complicit in creating the conditions that are causing me pain or blocking my progress?

Join me on this journey into adulthood, into owning our enoughness and taking responsibility for the conditions that shape our lives.

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With love from LA,

Matt

Looking for some support? If now is the time to consider coaching (or a CEO peer circle) reach out here.