The Question That Helped Me Discover My Purpose in Life

A Saturday Brunch That Changed Everything

It was an average Saturday morning on the westside of Los Angeles. My buddy Warren was in town and staying with us. We decided to take a walk to our local diner, OP Cafe for you locals, for some Saturday morning brunch.

We were chatting away as Warren and I are prone to do when catching up. He is one of my favorite friends because our conversations range from stuff we are reading and have recently learned to pop culture, family, and relationship challenges.

I am not quite sure how it came up. But I know right when it happened. We were waiting to cross the street at a stoplight. Warren said to me, “I read this article recently about how to find your life’s purpose.”

I was intrigued. I have been wondering about the purpose of my life for as long as I can remember.

The Question: A Framework for Finding Purpose in Life

“How?” I asked. Curiously.

Warren's answer stopped me in my tracks:

"Think about your childhood. What was most absent that you wish you could have had? Your life's purpose is to bring that to others."

I could not believe what happened next.

I started to tear up right at that intersection on the side of the road.

I have no idea if that question is as powerful a key for others as it was for me. But for me, it was transformative.

What My Answer Revealed

I realized what was missing most in my childhood was real connection. Although I had loving parents and good childhood friends, I spent much of my childhood feeling lonely. I longed for deeper human connection and often wondered if I was alone in my desire.

At that stoplight, I experienced the clarity I had desired for many years. My purpose in life is to help others feel less alone.

That is a sentence I had never been able to say before that morning. And once I could say it, everything else began to rearrange itself around it.

How Purpose Changes the Way You Live and Work

Clarity about purpose does not just feel good. It becomes a practical filter for every decision you make.

Purpose in Relationships and Parenting

In my life, I am now clear that the purpose of relationships for me is real connection. Experiences and adventure are lovely. But I am really in it for the connection.

As a parent, I now realize my main aim is connection with my kids. I can teach them things; I can help ensure they learn proper manners and a sense of right and wrong. But what I most desire to be for them as a parent is a source of real connection. I want them to know that whatever happens elsewhere in their lives; their relationship with me is a place they can feel seen, understood, and heard.

Purpose in Work: The Antidote to Burnout

Purpose has also transformed how I think about work. My portfolio of work, coaching, writing, podcasting, and building a new app, looked scattered from the outside. Once I understood the thru-line, it no longer felt that way.

I spend much of my time coaching CEOs and other executives. But I also write, podcast, and invest. The thru-line across all of it is the same purpose: helping others feel less alone.

I coach so that leaders are less alone in the most challenging moments. I write and podcast so that other entrepreneurs do not think they are the only ones going through the hard parts, the self-doubts, or the anxieties. Even this app I am working on is aimed at helping people to be more connected and less alone.

I thought after selling my last company I was burned out on software. What I came to realize was that I was not burned out on building. I was burned out on feeling misaligned with my work.

I spent the first 30+ years of my life having no idea what my life’s purpose was. Because I did not have a strong sense of my purpose, I was unable to choose work that was aligned with the change I wanted to see and make in the world. I ended up running a fantastic company that had no direct alignment with my own heart. And that is a recipe for burnout.

If this resonates and you are navigating your own version of burnout or misalignment, you might find it useful to read about navigating founder burnout and what the other side of it can look like.

Understanding the thru-line in my work across projects has been tremendously energizing for me. I know what I am about. I know why I am here. I know the changes I want to make through my relationships and my work.

Questions to Help You Discover Your Purpose in Life

If you want to explore this for yourself, here are the questions I would sit with:

• What was most absent in your childhood that you wished you could have had?
• What would it mean to bring that very thing to others through your work and relationships?
• Where in your current life and work do you feel most aligned? Where do you feel the most friction?
• If you knew your life's purpose clearly, what would you do differently tomorrow?

I am loving exploring this new approach to my life and work. I am tremendously grateful to all those to help me arrive here. And of course a special note of appreciation to Warren.

If you are curious about how this kind of purpose clarity connects to the work of self-worth and how you show up as a leader, that thread is worth pulling on too.

Wishing you peace on your journey today.

-Matt

If you are looking for a partner in your exploration of purpose and alignment, I would love to speak with you. This work is not easily navigated alone. Reach out here and let me know if I can help.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I start finding purpose in life?

One of the most powerful starting points is to ask yourself what was most absent in your childhood that you deeply wished you could have had. Many people find their life purpose is rooted in a desire to give others what they themselves once lacked. Beyond that, noticing where your work and relationships feel most alive and aligned is a strong signal. Purpose rarely announces itself; it usually emerges from honest reflection over time.

What is my life purpose if I feel lost or stuck?

Feeling lost is often a sign that you are living out of alignment with your purpose rather than a sign that purpose does not exist. Try journaling about the moments in your life where you felt most energized and most yourself. Look for patterns across those moments. What were you doing? Who were you with? What need were you meeting? Purpose usually lives at the intersection of your deepest wound and your most natural gift.

Is there a connection between life purpose and burnout?

Yes, strongly. Burnout is often less about overwork and more about misalignment. When you spend years doing work that has no connection to what you genuinely care about, depletion follows almost inevitably. Many founders and executives who experience burnout discover on the other side of it that the work itself was not the problem. The disconnection from meaning was. Clarifying your purpose is one of the most effective long-term antidotes to chronic burnout.

How do you know when you have found your life purpose?

You likely know it when the answer makes you feel both deeply grounded and slightly vulnerable at the same time. A true purpose statement is specific enough to be felt, not just stated. It tends to show up as a quiet clarity that filters decisions: you find yourself naturally saying yes to things that align with it and no to things that do not. For many people, the discovery comes with an emotional release, not unlike what happens when something long held finally finds language.