Sanity Notes #040: You Are Not the Fire

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Over the Christmas holiday, my family was fortunate to spend a couple of weeks in Megève, France. The chalet had a beautiful fireplace, and it gave me a surprising amount of joy to build a fire each morning and evening.

One night, while doing my 10-minute evening meditation on the sofa, I opened my eyes just to peek and see if the fire I had built had taken. In that moment, I noticed my own distraction.

It struck me that this is often how we relate to the things we are building, especially as founders.

We are constantly peeking. Checking. Tracking. Obsessing. Is it working? Is it growing? Is it about to go out?

Often it’s more than attention. We feel fused with it. We don’t experience the company as something we tend. We experience it as something we are.

Sitting there, it became clear to me that the fire was elsewhere. It was something I could walk over to, tend, and then return from. And a simple piece of wisdom landed that I wish I could share with my younger founder self.

If the company is the fire, then I am not the fire. I am the one tending it.

I can care deeply. I can add wood. I can adjust the airflow. And then I can step back and rest.

In fact, it’s easier to see what the fire needs when I remember that I am not it.

Many of the founders I meet feel completely merged with their businesses. Some wear that as a badge of honor. Others come to coaching because they sense the cost of that merger. The exhaustion. The narrowing. The quiet suffering that comes from never being able to step away.

If you are a founder or CEO feeling this way, I’d love to meet you. I help founders build healthier separation, clearer perspective, and more sustainable ways of tending what they are building.

What about you today...

Are you the fire?

Or the one tending it?

Wherever you find yourself on the journey, sending a big hug your way from the mountains.

-Matt

Looking for some support? If now is the time to consider coaching, reach out here.

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